It’s not a hot take to say that we’re all impatiently waiting for Belly to get it together and choose Conrad. But as the internet collectively groans over the faults of Jeremiah, I can’t help but wonder if we’d take our own advice to heart. After all, in the words of Belly AND Steven, being with Jeremiah is easier! From the start, their relationship is fun, flirty, physical, and surface-level. It’s exactly the kind of frictionless connection we yearn for (minus, you know, the other brother she’s in love with). But as much as we romanticize our lives, the truth is that the search for love is seldom easy, especially in today’s day and age. So, I’m going to hold your hand when I say this (in case no one else will): as much as you scream Team Conrad, you’d probably choose Jeremiah if it were you.
It’s not news that the dating scene is, well, in the trenches at the moment. Between the rise of “attachment theory” discourse, “banksying” (more on that later), and dating apps, finding a meaningful connection feels harder than ever. In the face of all of that, settling for a fun, flirty, “easy” man is looking pretty good right now. This is not an attack; you may cuff the Jeremiah of your choice, but it’s worth taking a look at why our fictional convictions don’t match up with our actions. Let’s dive in.
We aren’t willing to accept someone else’s flaws
The inclusion of “attachment theory” in our day-to-day vocabulary has created an epidemic of avoidance. Under the umbrella of being “avoidantly attached,” we are safe from the storm of committing to a real relationship. We use our attachment style as an excuse to stumble in the communication and commitment department, but we are less open to accepting fault in others. With that in mind, it’s safe to say many of us would not weather the Conrad experience.
Thanks to dating apps and the churn of social media, it always feels like there’s a better option just a swipe away. Even as inherently flawed people, we expect emotionally available, flawless human beings and accept nothing less. How can a girl deal with the inevitable peaks and valleys of a struggling man when there’s a Jeremiah right around the corner?
“Whether running from heartbreak or simply mild discomfort, skipping the hard is our romantic theme.”
Now, it’s worth noting this is NOT me saying women should be performing emotional labor in all of their relationships. However, I think we tip a bit too far in the other direction sometimes. “Discomfort is the cost of community” has become a common catchphrase as of late, meaning that building and maintaining meaningful relationships often requires challenging, often emotional, work. This goes for our romantic relationships, too.
We prioritize our own feelings to a fault
On a related note, the newest “trend” (read: horror) in dating? Banksying. Named after the notorious British street artist known for pieces that often self-destruct, this phenomenon occurs when one partner processes the breakup with their partner before letting the other partner know where they’re at. For them, the breakup comes out of nowhere, but for the breakee… they moved on like three months ago. Often, this comes with a light dose of gaslighting, reassuring the other partner that everything is fine while they plot the end of their relationship. Is this ringing a bell from Belly and Conrad’s breakup in season 2?
Ending a relationship shouldn’t be like leaving a job, though. You don’t get to wait around until you have a new one lined up; you can’t ride on a few months of lingering health insurance while you browse the market. Unlike your relationship to your employer, you do owe something to your (soon-to-be former) partner. In our “lose his number” world, it’s easy to imagine that we’re not giving out second chances after being Banksy’d—especially when there is someone like Jeremiah standing by, who is not shy about his intentions or feelings.
When we do get into a relationship, we ignore red flags
After that brief synopsis of the dating world, it’s no wonder that we hesitate to re-enter it. As countless viral boyfriend TikToks have demonstrated (couch guy, anyone??), we have an answer for everything when it comes to excusing questionable behavior. We scream at Belly when Jere doesn’t know her favorite candy, or tries to sabotage her relationship with Conrad, or (spoiler alert for season 3!) pulls a Ross & Rachel on her over spring break. Yet, we turn around and justify the questionable behaviors of our own partners. I know that no relationship is perfect, but let’s be honest, how many of us have stayed in one just to avoid being alone?
“In the age of ‘it’s not that deep,’ rebranding situationships as ‘explorationships,’ and canceling plans to sit home and scroll, I think a lot of people would find themselves choosing the ‘easy’ brother over the potential love of their life.”
At the end of season 2, Belly tells Jeremiah, “Dreams aren’t real, and now I want something real. I want you.” While it kind of sounds romantic, she’s really telling him she’s settling. And worse, she’s confusing Jeremiah’s obvious dealbreakers with the realities of a relationship. Choosing the person right in front of you is tempting, which is why a lot of us continue to stay in relationships that don’t serve us.
We’re all afraid to be uncomfortable
What all of this screams to me? We are so afraid to feel. If you mourn the breakup before executing it, you get to skip the uncomfortable, uncertain, questioning phase. If you fall back on being avoidantly attached, you never get close enough to get hurt. And if you ghost someone, you don’t have to confront the discomfort of their disappointment. Whether running from heartbreak or simply mild discomfort, skipping the hard is our romantic theme (and what a boring rom-com that would be!).
In the age of “it’s not that deep,” rebranding situationships as “explorationships,” and canceling plans to sit home and scroll, I think a lot of people would find themselves choosing the “easy” brother over the potential love of their life.
What would it mean for Belly to choose Conrad right now? Let’s not pretend it would be easy. It would take ignoring the logical side of her brain screaming about shared history, what makes sense, and what the consequences might be. It would mean losing a best friend. And it would mean ignoring the advice of her closest friend (which is nearly impossible to do). Yet, to most of us, it seems the obvious choice: the love of your life, or what’s easy, logical, and practical (if maybe wrong).
I wouldn’t blame anyone for choosing Jeremiah. Belly could have a wonderful life with him. You could have a wonderful life with the person in front of you, in the right place at the right time. Will it be the love of your life?
Abigail Moseman, Marketing Associate
As the Marketing Associate, Abi works with the marketing team to ideate and create content, and build community across all of The Everygirl’s channels.
The post Hot Take: We’d All Choose Jeremiah IRL (Even Though We’re Team Conrad) appeared first on The Everygirl.
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